renewal

March 31st, 2010

As the signs of Spring are upon us, nature shows us the resiliency and renewal of the earth.  Recovery is really the same thing–an opportunity to choose renewal one day at a time.  And this is an especially poignant springtime for me.

It’s been 6 weeks since my brother died of esophageal cancer, and the grief surprised me in several ways.  Although we weren’t very close, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been in a fog for many weeks trying to wind down all the financial and legal issues of his life–a surreal and unnecessarily bureaucratic process.  Although  I agreed to handle these details, I felt resentment that I carried the burden when nobody else in my family was available. Now that I’m stepping out of the fog, I do feel that I was of service to him and feel grateful that I have the capacity to take on such a task.

As my energy returns and I feel more like myself again,  I experience my own renewal in a way I never have before.  Seeing my brother’s life deteriorate and eventually cease, I now experience the preciousness of life and the immense gratitude for recovery through a brand-new lens.

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