Today I’m also aware that my father has been in the midst of record-breaking heat in Philadelphia and my friends who moved to Seattle from L.A. have also had a recent heatwave.  All of this reminds me how we each live in our own separate corners of the world and the distinct climates punctuate the differences in our separate regions and the reality that we exist in such separate little worlds.

Recovery has shown me that connection to loved ones is a lifeline and a lifesaver, and it’s a constant choice how much or how little I cultivate those connections.  I feel incredibly blessed to have so many people in my corner, and I also know that these relationships are the antidote to isolation and secrecy.  Staying connected every single day is one of the fundamental ingredients for recovery, and in our hi-tech world we get to choose to stay in contact in a  multitude of ways.

Of course there are endless possibilities for group experiences available to us including twelve-step groups, self-help support groups, social networking groups, professional groups, etc.  Find your people so you can choose who you would like to invite into your corner.

From a recovery perspective, groups give us the opportunity to be more other-centered and to break the isolation through fellowship and camaraderie.  It’s also a chance to get out of our own heads and be of service to others.  Notice the power of groups as you go about your days and see how they impact you and your recovery.

In light of the recent media frenzy regarding celebrity sex addicts, I hope to make a dent in the myths that get circulated.  Sexual addiction (or compulsion as I often call it) is a complex issue which isn’t really about the sex–it’s about emptiness and looking for contact in all the wrong places.  Please let me know what you think about the interview if you have a chance to listen and I look forward to expanding the dialogue.

The focus of the retreat was to cultivate the here and now through meditation, breathwork, music and group ritual.  Although I knew very little about the retreat when I registered, a friend of mine from program gently encouraged me to consider it and so I did.  I feel so grateful that I took the emotional risks to delve into my challenges with love, intimacy and joy and feel more open-hearted as I continue stretching and thawing toward deeper relationships.

If you haven’t given yourself the gift of this type of experience, treat yourself to a retreat and see what gems reveal themselves to you.  It’s always a surprise, but there’s always more to illuminate within.

I’ve always felt like cars and computers are challenges in my life because I know very little about each of them, and they always require a leap of faith when dealing with their repairs.  What I observed this morning was a few things.  I didn’t get another blowout by ignoring the strange noise and asked for help instead.  Asking for help isn’t always easy for me but continues to be a muscle I try and stretch as much as possible.  Secondly, I didn’t collapse into a helpless place–instead, I made some outreach calls to those I trust and finally talked it out and negotiated a compromise regarding the repair.  Lastly, I didn’t let it ruin my day.  It certainly wasn’t how I intended my Monday morning to begin, but it could have been much worse.

I feel rather grateful for the quality problems in my life and now try to see them as opportunities when the challenges arise.

Making peace with change in our lives while processing the impact on us will help transitions go by more gracefully and effortlessly.

What are the lessons to be learned?  First off, the main point is that it really isn’t about the sex.  Yes–the sexual choices were in exceptionally poor judgment, but it’s really not about the sex. It’s about a man (or millions of people who become sexually compulsive) dealing with their emptiness and looking for contact in all the wrong places.  It’s about a lifetime of dormant broken-heartedness manifesting in these self-destructive ways on the world stage.

If one lesson can be taken from this international display of pain, I hope it will be compassion for one another.  Whether this comes in small ways or larger ways, it’s an opportunity for knowledge and growth that can only come from such a public display of narcissism and woundedness.

It’s been 6 weeks since my brother died of esophageal cancer, and the grief surprised me in several ways.  Although we weren’t very close, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been in a fog for many weeks trying to wind down all the financial and legal issues of his life–a surreal and unnecessarily bureaucratic process.  Although  I agreed to handle these details, I felt resentment that I carried the burden when nobody else in my family was available. Now that I’m stepping out of the fog, I do feel that I was of service to him and feel grateful that I have the capacity to take on such a task.

As my energy returns and I feel more like myself again,  I experience my own renewal in a way I never have before.  Seeing my brother’s life deteriorate and eventually cease, I now experience the preciousness of life and the immense gratitude for recovery through a brand-new lens.

As program teaches us, recovery requires us to live life on life’s terms.  And part of aliveness and being human are the experiences that life presents to us.  By staying present to it all–sadness, despair, fears and even terror will show up at times.  It’s not the feelings, it’s how we deal with them.

A friend from program called me earlier because he was feeling a bit scared and lonely.  He really didn’t want anything specific from our conversation, but he didn’t want to be alone.  Staying connected at times when our feelings are “big” can be the antidote to using or acting out and possibly sliding down a slippery slope of self-sabotage.

Feelings are truly our allies–reminders that we’re human and alive.  Remember that feelings are like floats in a parade.  They stall sometimes, they move sometimes, but they always will pass by eventually.