All of this—the compulsive sex, the emotional longing, the relationship struggles—is about the same thing: love. That feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. Intimacy and love are clearly different from the intense, adrenaline-seeking behaviors and relationships you engaged in before, and so your greatest challenge . . .
Continue reading...Relationships
Avoidance as a Survival Strategy (Part 2)
Because we are most defended against our greatest needs, intimacy is an emotionally-precarious territory. Over time, you learned to build self-protective walls due to past hurts, disappointments, and intrusions, but in recovery you can safely break down your walls and learn to rely on others gradually. If you’re determined to heal old relationship wounds, being in a relationship is the best place to work . . .
Continue reading...-
- October 27, 2021
- Attachment Compulsive Sex Healing Love Avoidance Relationships Sexual Addiction
Obsession Re-visited (Part 2)
The following suggestions provide a therapeutic direction which can establish new ways of relating to yourself and others. Here are some possible ways to give the obsessive mind something else to do . . .
Continue reading...-
- December 17, 2020
- Love Addiction Meditation Obsession Relationships Self-Compassion SLAA
Is Love Addiction Real? (Part 2)
Now that Lori is recognizing the themes and patterns of her deeper longings, what are the tools and strategies she might consider? . . .
Continue reading...-
- August 26, 2020
- Abandonment Emotions Intimacy Love Addiction Relationships Romantic Fantasy Tools
Is Love Addiction Real? (Part 1)
Lori arrived for therapy with tears in her eyes. “I did it again. I fell for another guy who was totally unavailable and once again convinced myself that he was the one. I don’t know if I can . . .
Continue reading...-
- August 12, 2020
- Abandonment Emotions Intimacy Love Addiction Relationships Romantic Fantasy
The Other Side of Narcissism (Part 2)
Distinguish between healthier narcissism and malignant narcissism. Healthier narcissism will generally show up when you’re feeling more emotionally sober, confident and connected to others. Malignant forms of narcissism show up as chronic relationship problems, blaming others and lack of empathy or attunement. Because we all possess . . .
Continue reading...-
- March 27, 2020
- Abuse Emotions Narcissism Psychology Relationships
The Other Side of Narcissism (Part 1)
Narcissism is generally seen as a negative trait, but in this article we will explore the positive side of it. When babies are born, they imagine that the world revolves around them, and if they have an immediate need (e.g. food, touch, change of diaper), they believe that someone will take care of their needs quickly. Unfortunately, the fantasy that your parent (or caregiver) will respond to you in just the right way, at just the right time, at just the right temperature, sets you up . . .
Continue reading...-
- March 13, 2020
- Abuse Emotions Narcissism Psychology Relationships
Rethinking infidelity
Esther Perel’s recent release “The State of Affairs” is a masterful look at relationships in the 21st century—masterful because it invites us to think outside the...
Continue reading...-
- April 15, 2018
- Relationships