It was October 2014. I received a LinkedIn message from the acquisitions editor for Central Recovery Press in Las Vegas after she read my workbook, From Now On: Seven Keys to Purposeful Recovery. I was surprised to say the least. I had no idea that editors actually look for authors on-line, but this is how Eliza Tutellier found me. She was coming to Los Angeles to attend the Evolution of Addiction conference so we decided to set up a meeting. Our dinner turned into a three-hour meeting of the hearts and minds, and Eliza fully encouraged me to continue writing my book focusing on long-term recovery from sex addiction. In addition to sharing an inspirational dinner together, she also suggested I interview others in recovery to add real stories and voices to the book. And so I did. I’ve learned to take direction well.
Shortly after our meeting, I named the book It’s Not About the Sex, and I set out to interview some program people who brought a new dimension to the heart of the book. The interviews began to illustrate themes such as grief, shame, narcissism, perfectionism, nervous system regulation and positive psychology, just to name a few. Because this book was based on both personal and professional experience, I wanted to infuse a little bit of my own story but keep the emphasis on others. As I wrote the proposal, I leaned toward the stories of others, but as time went on, I decided it would be disingenuous not to mention elements of my personal story so I selectively shared personal bits and pieces along the way.
I put together my proposal with Central Recovery Press (CRP) being my first choice. Unfortunately, they rejected it the first time around which surprised me, but also gave me more incentive to find the right home for the project. I began the process of re-writing the proposal with the help of my consultant, Jean-Noel. We worked intensively for several months sharpening up the proposal to a much higher quality, and after contacting many agents and a few publishing houses, CRP actually reconsidered it and gave it the green light! Of course I was thrilled, and the final deal was negotiated with the publisher.
After the proposal was accepted, I met with the managing editor and senior editor in June 2018 as they described the lay of the land. Although it was a phone meeting, I felt welcomed as they expressed their excitement about my passion project. I now had my first-choice publishing team in my corner—truly an honor.
Finally, in September 2018 my editor, Dan Hernandez contacted me. It was such a gift to have an editor working with me because my first book was simply me and my virtual assistant. Not that there is anything wrong with self-publishing, but this brought the editing process to a whole new level. One of the first things Dan told me was rather startling but honest. He let me know that he would not have time to give me much positive feedback, but instead, he would be focusing on what needed revision. So I grew thicker skin and our 5-month editing hibernation began. We went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth with the material, and Dan was a sculptor. I had never experienced anything quite like it, but he demonstrated the artistry of fine editing.
Recently, I went to dinner with the marketing and communications director which finally made the book more real. Again, another inspirational meeting with three like-minded individuals. Patrick and Jeffery laid out their vision of how we can collaborate both pre and post-publication. As I continue scaling the steep learning curve of social media, podcasting, you tube channel, blogging , etc. I get to stretch and expand into the 21st century. I’ve learned to ask for help from a team of coaches and experts, and for the most part, I’m sticking with things I tend to enjoy—speaking, writing, sharing ideas and offering new perspectives.
It’s been almost five years since I met Eliza, and finally, we are in the homestretch. This has not been an easy process, but I’ve learned a lot about myself as I persevered with the project from conception to birth. This week I’ll be traveling to Vegas to meet the CRP team in person for the first time. Then, the release date is set for June 11th.
It’s Not About the Sex: Moving from Isolation to Intimacy is now available for pre-order on Amazon. Please stay tuned for more details as these next chapters unfold.