The Intersection of Attachment and the Regulated Nervous System (Part One)

Reliable relationships are what help infants regulate their nervous systems, and attachment patterns are founded in this connection between a baby and its caregiver. Unfortunately, many of you did not have emotionally dependable parents, leaving you at risk for compulsive behaviors. In 1988, British psychoanalyst John Bowlby wrote A Secure Base, which sparked . . .

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Cultivating Contentment (Part Two): An excerpt from Chapter Seven, It’s Not About the Sex

By reminding yourself of what you’re grateful for in your recovery, you’ll build perspective against what hasn’t gone right in your life. Tracking gratitude also builds your capacity for deeper connections with others and decreases your tendency toward shame and comparison. Dr. Seligman suggests specific action steps to promote an “attitude of gratitude”: Begin by writing down three things you’re grateful for every day before going to sleep. Secondly, write a gratitude . . .

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Cultivating Contentment (Part One): An excerpt from Chapter Seven, It’s Not About the Sex

In her book The Wealthy Spirit, author Chellie Campbell adopts a brilliant sea metaphor as she suggests that you surround yourself with dolphins. Her financial stress reduction workshop teaches students that there are your people, and the rest of the world; it’s your job in life to find your pod. If you have too much of a need to be liked by others, this will cause suffering. Campbell explains . . .

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Safer Sex Revisited (Part Two: An Excerpt from It’s Not About the Sex)

When do you experience nurturing, safer touch—both sexually and platonically? How is it for you?

Seth: With my partner, touch feels safe. Sometimes I’ll go for a therapeutic massage. Also, when hugging friends.

Colin: I experience healthy, safe touch with a massage therapist I work with who is nurturing and respectful. I also experience it with brothers in the program when we . . .

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Safer Sex Revisited (Part One: An Excerpt from It’s Not About the Sex)

In the 1980s, the concept of safer sex was developed in response to the AIDS crisis. It may be true that the only safe sex is abstinence; all forms of sex carry some degree of risk. But abstaining from sex is neither realistic nor desirable. Back in that time of uncertainty and fear, society endorsed cautious sexual choices. Today, nearly forty years later, the dilemma . . .

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Building Better Boundaries (Part 2)

In Part 1 we were building awareness and insight regarding better boundaries. Sometimes, boundaries can go too far and become rigid and isolating. Here are a few typical walls that you might use to protect yourself: Black-and-white thinking. This self-protective, rigid way of viewing yourself and others results in profound loneliness and unexpressed anger. Therefore, it acts . . .

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Building Better Boundaries (Part 1)

Anger is a misunderstood part of setting boundaries that often gets overlooked. Expressing anger safely and productively is a life energy that brings you closer to others when shared directly, honestly and clearly. If two people are open to the possibility of this type of dynamic communication, it’s an intimacy-builder. Anger doesn’t imply a high-decibel level, but instead . . .

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