Beyond Sexual Compulsivity (Part 2)

Loss is a natural part of recovery. Because sexual compulsion is actually a misfired attempt to regulate the nervous system, it requires a conscious choice to say goodbye to these stale behaviors. This requires a willingness to say goodbye to this survival strategy and to trust that there is something better on the horizon.

At the same time, it’s helpful to identify and express gratitude. As a by-product of grieving, eventually you can acknowledge that you wouldn’t be who you are today if it wasn’t for everything that happened in your past. This is a significant . . .

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Beyond Sexual Compulsivity (Part 1)

Recovery from compulsive sex can feel like a rollercoaster with unexpected twists and turns behind every corner. Fortunately, the ride can get much smoother and less tumultuous as time and healing unfolds.

Long-term recovery is quite different than early recovery. In the beginning, stopping out-of-control sexual behaviors is the main focus while long-term recovery makes room for sex-positive, expansive experiences. In early recovery you start to notice the damaging activities of the past while long-term recovery often reveals . . .

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30 Years in Review: 1991-2021

A colleague once asked me when I first knew I wanted to be a therapist. I answered “in utero”—half joking but actually quite serious. You see—I grew up in a good family with a lot of problems. We tried to love one another but had no clue how to really love one another. From a very young age I assumed the role of mediator and surrogate parent, and without fully understanding it at the time, my calling as a psychotherapist was handed to me at birth. Back in the 70s and 80s . . .

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Sex Addiction vs. Compulsive Sex:
The Controversy Continues

A few years ago the World Health Organization recognized and included Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10). This is the first time in the history of this organization that CSBD has been validated by a global gathering of clinicians. For many years Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) have lobbied to include sex addiction as a formal diagnosis . . .

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Fantasy as a Survival Strategy (Part 1)

Fantasy is defined as imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained (www.dictionary.com), and it can also be a liberating exploration of your wants and desires, both sexual or romantic. Is it possible that fantasy gets a bad rap? Can your imagination, even if extravagant or unrestrained be useful and safe? The answer is . . .

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Healing Hurt from the Inside Out (Part 1)

Hurt is a designer emotion. It’s the hub of the wheel surrounded by anger, sadness, disappointment, disillusionment and shame. When you feel deeply hurt, it leaves you with an emotional wound that requires close attention. Putting a band-aid on it won’t heal it. You need to keep it clean, change the emotional dressing daily and give it oxygen until the healing process unfolds. Sometimes hurt doesn’t go away entirely, but instead, it offers perspective and less acute pain eventually. But what does hurt have . . .

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