Group Therapy Revisited (May 2018) (Part One)

“Since I joined group, I don’t feel so alone anymore—now I know there are others who are in my corner.” I hear this sentiment over and over again from clients who commit to weekly group therapy—a place to both learn about oneself while helping others learn about themselves. Clients typically come to group because they have longings for deeper contact, and group is where they get to take risks, be vulnerable, and as a result, experience deeper connection.

In the early ‘80s . . .

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Turning Down the Volume on Shame (Part Two)

Healthier shame is like an internal alarm bell that lets you know when you’ve crossed a boundary or are too walled off. Ideally, it’s part of your broader conscience that keeps you out of trouble. Unfortunately, a hallmark of sexual compulsion is the inability to know your limits, or a tendency to reject them. When you started to realize your sexual behaviors were unmanageable, you likely wanted to stop them but couldn’t. Crossing boundaries, intruding . . .

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The Healthy Side of Narcissism (Part Two)

Trust takes shape over time with a person you can truly count on. But if your trust muscles were not strengthened as a child, it will take endurance to build them as an adult. Many years may be needed, even if you’re willing to be faithful to the process. Find your people—those who are steadfast supporters and also want to travel this trust journey with you. By investing in yourself, you’re . . .

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The Healthy Side of Narcissism (Part One)

Although narcissism is generally seen as a negative trait, healthy narcissism is critical to child development. It’s how your confidence and self-esteem take shape. According to Freud and other psychoanalysts, all children
possess a sense of omnipotence and grandiosity as they enter the world, where they strive to receive the gleam in the eye of their caregiver. In recovery, it’s essential to find that gleam of appreciation and approval from caring friends and confidants, rather . . .

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Desperately Seeking Consultation

My very first twelve-step meeting was a combination of relief and terror. I knew I needed help, but my inner voice was telling me that I could do it on my own, just like I had always done. Instead, I listened intently as I sat in the well-worn chairs of this dusty Pasadena church, and soon I understood that I could learn to ask for help. In other words, it was time for me to seek consultation from my fellows in program and eventually a power greater than myself, whatever . . .

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The Rhythm Within (Part Two)

Mindfulness has taken the world by storm these past few decades. Its roots are thousands of years old, yet when I refer to mindfulness meditation, I’m referring to the work of Dr. Kabat-Zinn, who originally studied chronic pain patients in a hospital setting. Upon developing a structured course in mindfulness skills, he found that patients who participated in the program reported fewer pain symptoms. Since the 1980s, his methods have taken the meditation world to new heights, helping people from all walks of life. At its core . . .

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The Rhythm Within (Part One)

Meditation is a time-tested anti-anxiety strategy that dates back thousands of years. My story with it is like that of many others who have given it a try. For many years, I dabbled in various approaches to meditation, but for whatever reason it never turned into a consistent practice. After many failed attempts, I finally decided to take a more structured approach. I enrolled in a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class, which met every Sunday night for eight weeks. This time . . .

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The 3 R’s: Regulation, Resilience, Resourcefulness (Part Two)

Compulsive sexual behavior can be the cause and the effect of a dysregulated nervous system, but what do you do to regulate yourself more efficiently? In order for balance and regulation to become a familiar internal state, you’ll need to integrate a self-regulation or co-regulation practice into your daily lifestyle. This can only occur, though, when you’ve learned . . .

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The 3 R’s: Regulation, Resilience, Resourcefulness (Part One)

When I went to graduate school at UCLA in the early ‘90s, there was no mention of the nervous system in any of my classes. The mind-body-spirit connection may have been a brief footnote, but all I learned about the nervous system was the fight-or-flight response, a survival instinct mentioned in my undergraduate psychology classes. Three decades later . . .

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