Shame

Turning Down the Volume on Shame (Part Two)

Healthier shame is like an internal alarm bell that lets you know when you’ve crossed a boundary or are too walled off. Ideally, it’s part of your broader conscience that keeps you out of trouble. Unfortunately, a hallmark of sexual compulsion is the inability to know your limits, or a tendency to reject them. When you started to realize your sexual behaviors were unmanageable, you likely wanted to stop them but couldn’t. Crossing boundaries, intruding . . .

February 24, 2023
Compulsive Sex Disconnection Resilience Shame

Turning Down the Volume on Shame (Part One)

Shame gets in your way if not processed fully. It registers as something wrong with you, rather than an action that was wrongful. Beginning as a painful event, it is stored as a character defect. So although shame can be experienced as an emotion or thought, it leaves its imprint in your body, as trauma specialist Babette Rothschild noted . . .

February 10, 2023
Inner Child Isolation Sexual Behavior Shame

Fantasy as a Survival Strategy (Part 1)

Fantasy is defined as imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained (www.dictionary.com), and it can also be a liberating exploration of your wants and desires, both sexual or romantic. Is it possible that fantasy gets a bad rap? Can your imagination, even if extravagant or unrestrained be useful and safe? The answer is . . .

May 12, 2021
Families Fantasy Porn Shame Survival

From Brokenheartedness to Self-Compassion (Part 2)

Now that you’ve identified the necessity for Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) in your recovery, how do you integrate these ideas . . .

April 28, 2021
Brokenheartedness Guilt Healing Hurt Self-Compassion Self-Loathng Shame

From Brokenheartedness to Self-Compassion (Part 1)

Brokenheartedness is often the cause, and compulsive sexual behavior is one of the effects. Of course there is much more nuance to this equation; however, healing the heartbreak requires self-compassion to ease the shame, hurt, self-loathing . . .

April 14, 2021
Brokenheartedness Guilt Hurt Self-Compassion Self-Loathng Shame

Healing Hurt from the Inside Out (Part 1)

Hurt is a designer emotion. It’s the hub of the wheel surrounded by anger, sadness, disappointment, disillusionment and shame. When you feel deeply hurt, it leaves you with an emotional wound that requires close attention. Putting a band-aid on it won’t heal it. You need to keep it clean, change the emotional dressing daily and give it oxygen until the healing process unfolds. Sometimes hurt doesn’t go away entirely, but instead, it offers perspective and less acute pain eventually. But what does hurt have . . .

March 17, 2021
Anger Emotions Separateness Shame

The Imperfection of Recovery (Part 2)

Recovery from compulsive sex is an imperfect road, and we have to embrace a paradigm shift to believe that relapse is a growth opportunity. Practicing imperfection requires a mindful approach to implementing helpful and sustainable healing strategies. Try not to follow these ideas too perfectly, but instead, consider which ones . . .

November 20, 2020
Brokenheartedness Emotions Recovery Sexual Behavior Sexual Sobriety Shame

The Imperfection of Recovery (Part 1)

I was a child perfectionist. Not your average version of perfection, but a card-carrying, practicing, CEO of childhood perfectionism. If I didn’t understand instructions given to me by my Hebrew teacher, I would have a meltdown. If my t-shirts were not hung up neatly on matching hangers in my closet, I would get anxious. If I didn’t finish everything on my to-do list, I would go into a shame spiral. It wasn’t classic . . .

November 6, 2020
Brokenheartedness Emotions Recovery Sexual Behavior Sexual Sobriety Shame

Guest Blogger, Melissa Howard:
3 Obstacles You’ll Face in Recovery and How to Overcome Them

Getting sober is the first hurdle to cross in addiction recovery, but it’s far from the final one. Recovery is full of obstacles and barriers that want to drag you back to a life of addiction. That’s why most people relapse at some point during their recovery journey . . .

April 13, 2020
Financial Mental Health Recovery Shame Sobriety Suicide

Turning Down the Volume on Shame:
An Action Plan (Part 2)

Welcome back to our exploration of shame. Now that we’ve started to identify and name it, how do you build shame resiliency? Action Step #1: Distinguish between healthier shame and toxic shame. Remember that healthier shame lets you know if you’ve crossed boundaries or done something that is not in your integrity.

February 25, 2020
Emotional Sobriety Emotions Group Therapy Shame

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Shame

Turning Down the Volume on Shame (Part Two)

Turning Down the Volume on Shame (Part One)

Fantasy as a Survival Strategy (Part 1)

From Brokenheartedness to Self-Compassion (Part 2)

From Brokenheartedness to Self-Compassion (Part 1)

Healing Hurt from the Inside Out (Part 1)

The Imperfection of Recovery (Part 2)

The Imperfection of Recovery (Part 1)

Guest Blogger, Melissa Howard:
3 Obstacles You’ll Face in Recovery and How to Overcome Them

Turning Down the Volume on Shame:
An Action Plan (Part 2)