Recovery

Entering the Here and Now (Now What? Life After Sex Addiction, Part 2)

Sometimes you’ll hear an old-timer at a twelve-step meeting tell a newcomer, “Do what’s in front of you and let go of the results.” This age-old advice is about taking things one moment at a time when life feels overwhelming. It removes future expectations, to focus on the here and now.

What’s so great about living in the present? It’s where your life force is most accessible—an oasis of emotional sobriety is available there. In fact, resiliency and buoyancy only exist in the here and now. But it takes mental muscle for you to breathe into each moment, and until now that muscle has been only infrequently used. Later on, we’ll take a deeper look at . . .

Continue reading...

It’s Not The Mistakes That Count (Part 2)

In my therapy office, clients reveal setbacks all the time, and together
we process these so-called mistakes. So what do you do if you’ve been
in recovery for a while and then go off your plan? The tendency may be
to isolate and keep it a secret, but this will only perpetuate the shame
that goes along with the slip-up. Instead, contact someone you trust as
soon as possible—preferably someone in recovery. They will offer their
version . . .

Continue reading...

The Imperfection of Recovery (Part 1)

I was a child perfectionist. Not your average version of perfection, but a card-carrying, practicing, CEO of childhood perfectionism. If I didn’t understand instructions given to me by my Hebrew teacher, I would have a meltdown. If my t-shirts were not hung up neatly on matching hangers in my closet, I would get anxious. If I didn’t finish everything on my to-do list, I would go into a shame spiral. It wasn’t classic . . .

Continue reading...

Grief as an Ally: Part 2

Because addictive, compulsive behaviors sometimes act as social lubricants (supposedly making it easier to be around others), you may find yourself feeling awkward without the drink in your hand or the porn apps ready to go. Hopefully, you have already been practicing social connection and fellowship before the holidays. Your addiction was a often a way to feel less and to regulate the distance . . .

Continue reading...

Grief as an Ally: Part 1

As the holidays approach, I’ve been taking a closer look at grief and how it works in my life and in my recovery. In American culture, most people try not to think about grief, and yet, grieving can be a valuable way to say goodbye while moving forward. If you don’t grieve, it can actually be an obstacle . . .

Continue reading...