Today in Recovery
This is one of my favorite charts because it captures two possible directions: 1. Leaning into love and intimacy or 2. Repeating past painful patterns that were established in childhood. Here are some of the differences between authentic intimacy and . . .
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All of this—the compulsive sex, the emotional longing, the relationship struggles—is about the same thing: love. That feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. Intimacy and love are clearly different from the intense, adrenaline-seeking behaviors and relationships you engaged in before, and so your greatest challenge . . .
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Now that you are developing a fresh, new perspective to metabolize hurt, here are some specific action steps to apply to your repertoire of possibilities . . .
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Hurt is a designer emotion. It’s the hub of the wheel surrounded by anger, sadness, disappointment, disillusionment and shame. When you feel deeply hurt, it leaves you with an emotional wound that requires close attention. Putting a band-aid on it won’t heal it. You need to keep it clean, change the emotional dressing daily and give it oxygen until the healing process unfolds. Sometimes hurt doesn’t go away entirely, but instead, it offers perspective and less acute pain eventually. But what does hurt have . . .
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Recovery from compulsive sex is an imperfect road, and we have to embrace a paradigm shift to believe that relapse is a growth opportunity. Practicing imperfection requires a mindful approach to implementing helpful and sustainable healing strategies. Try not to follow these ideas too perfectly, but instead, consider which ones . . .
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I was a child perfectionist. Not your average version of perfection, but a card-carrying, practicing, CEO of childhood perfectionism. If I didn’t understand instructions given to me by my Hebrew teacher, I would have a meltdown. If my t-shirts were not hung up neatly on matching hangers in my closet, I would get anxious. If I didn’t finish everything on my to-do list, I would go into a shame spiral. It wasn’t classic . . .
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Normalize anger as a natural, necessary emotion. All of your feelings are valid and useful. By editing or censoring your anger, you’re removing a vital part of yourself. All emotions are welcome to the table. Identify and name your anger . . .
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Anger was palpable in my home. Unfortunately, my parents were unhappy in their marriage as far back as I can remember, leaving them with a hefty dose of rage and grief. I’m sure there was a time when they had fun and high hopes for a fulfilling life together, but these early dreams . . .
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Now that Lori is recognizing the themes and patterns of her deeper longings, what are the tools and strategies she might consider? . . .
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Lori arrived for therapy with tears in her eyes. “I did it again. I fell for another guy who was totally unavailable and once again convinced myself that he was the one. I don’t know if I can . . .
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