Relationships

The Intersection of Attachment and the Regulated Nervous System (Part One)

Reliable relationships are what help infants regulate their nervous systems, and attachment patterns are founded in this connection between a baby and its caregiver. Unfortunately, many of you did not have emotionally dependable parents, leaving you at risk for compulsive behaviors. In 1988, British psychoanalyst John Bowlby wrote A Secure Base, which sparked . . .

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Cultivating Contentment (Part Two): An excerpt from Chapter Seven, It’s Not About the Sex

By reminding yourself of what you’re grateful for in your recovery, you’ll build perspective against what hasn’t gone right in your life. Tracking gratitude also builds your capacity for deeper connections with others and decreases your tendency toward shame and comparison. Dr. Seligman suggests specific action steps to promote an “attitude of gratitude”: Begin by writing down three things you’re grateful for every day before going to sleep. Secondly, write a gratitude . . .

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Cultivating Contentment (Part One): An excerpt from Chapter Seven, It’s Not About the Sex

In her book The Wealthy Spirit, author Chellie Campbell adopts a brilliant sea metaphor as she suggests that you surround yourself with dolphins. Her financial stress reduction workshop teaches students that there are your people, and the rest of the world; it’s your job in life to find your pod. If you have too much of a need to be liked by others, this will cause suffering. Campbell explains . . .

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Avoidance as a Survival Strategy (Part 2)

Because we are most defended against our greatest needs, intimacy is an emotionally-precarious territory. Over time, you learned to build self-protective walls due to past hurts, disappointments, and intrusions, but in recovery you can safely break down your walls and learn to rely on others gradually. If you’re determined to heal old relationship wounds, being in a relationship is the best place to work . . .

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