Relationships

The Gratitude of Loss (Part One)

Grief is a good thing. Don’t get me wrong. Grieving is really hard work, but ultimately it’s a path to better understand buried parts of yourself. In American culture, it’s taboo to spend too much time and energy
dwelling on loss. Instead, you’re encouraged to get over it and move on with your life. During the course of your recovery, you’ll face a series of losses, and each of them is a growth opportunity within itself. In spite of the heavy emotional work required, I invite you to explore and process your grief because it’s a prime opportunity to learn about a valuable part of yourself.

Doors Opening, Doors Closing

A lot of celebration takes place around new beginnings such as weddings and births, but the dying process and the grief that follows . . .

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Group Therapy Revisited (May 2018) (Part Two)

What can a prospective group member anticipate as part of a group experience? Here are some of the typical themes that emerge:

• Relationships—romantic, family, friends, work
• Trauma and brokenheartedness
• Anxiety and depression
• Addictive, compulsive behaviors
• Career and money
• Shame and loneliness
• Sex and sexuality

When I meet a client for the first time . . .

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Group Therapy Revisited (May 2018) (Part One)

“Since I joined group, I don’t feel so alone anymore—now I know there are others who are in my corner.” I hear this sentiment over and over again from clients who commit to weekly group therapy—a place to both learn about oneself while helping others learn about themselves. Clients typically come to group because they have longings for deeper contact, and group is where they get to take risks, be vulnerable, and as a result, experience deeper connection.

In the early ‘80s . . .

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The Healthy Side of Narcissism (Part Two)

Trust takes shape over time with a person you can truly count on. But if your trust muscles were not strengthened as a child, it will take endurance to build them as an adult. Many years may be needed, even if you’re willing to be faithful to the process. Find your people—those who are steadfast supporters and also want to travel this trust journey with you. By investing in yourself, you’re . . .

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The Healthy Side of Narcissism (Part One)

Although narcissism is generally seen as a negative trait, healthy narcissism is critical to child development. It’s how your confidence and self-esteem take shape. According to Freud and other psychoanalysts, all children
possess a sense of omnipotence and grandiosity as they enter the world, where they strive to receive the gleam in the eye of their caregiver. In recovery, it’s essential to find that gleam of appreciation and approval from caring friends and confidants, rather . . .

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The Intersection of Attachment and the Regulated Nervous System (Part One)

Reliable relationships are what help infants regulate their nervous systems, and attachment patterns are founded in this connection between a baby and its caregiver. Unfortunately, many of you did not have emotionally dependable parents, leaving you at risk for compulsive behaviors. In 1988, British psychoanalyst John Bowlby wrote A Secure Base, which sparked . . .

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Cultivating Contentment (Part Two): An excerpt from Chapter Seven, It’s Not About the Sex

By reminding yourself of what you’re grateful for in your recovery, you’ll build perspective against what hasn’t gone right in your life. Tracking gratitude also builds your capacity for deeper connections with others and decreases your tendency toward shame and comparison. Dr. Seligman suggests specific action steps to promote an “attitude of gratitude”: Begin by writing down three things you’re grateful for every day before going to sleep. Secondly, write a gratitude . . .

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Cultivating Contentment (Part One): An excerpt from Chapter Seven, It’s Not About the Sex

In her book The Wealthy Spirit, author Chellie Campbell adopts a brilliant sea metaphor as she suggests that you surround yourself with dolphins. Her financial stress reduction workshop teaches students that there are your people, and the rest of the world; it’s your job in life to find your pod. If you have too much of a need to be liked by others, this will cause suffering. Campbell explains . . .

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