Healthier shame is like an internal alarm bell that lets you know when you’ve crossed a boundary or are too walled off. Ideally, it’s part of your broader conscience that keeps you out of trouble. Unfortunately, a hallmark of sexual compulsion is the inability to know your limits, or a tendency to reject them. When you started to realize your sexual behaviors were unmanageable, you likely wanted to stop them but couldn’t. Crossing boundaries, intruding . . .
Continue reading...Resilience
The 3 R’s: Regulation, Resilience, Resourcefulness (Part Two)
Compulsive sexual behavior can be the cause and the effect of a dysregulated nervous system, but what do you do to regulate yourself more efficiently? In order for balance and regulation to become a familiar internal state, you’ll need to integrate a self-regulation or co-regulation practice into your daily lifestyle. This can only occur, though, when you’ve learned . . .
Continue reading...The 3 R’s: Regulation, Resilience, Resourcefulness (Part One)
When I went to graduate school at UCLA in the early ‘90s, there was no mention of the nervous system in any of my classes. The mind-body-spirit connection may have been a brief footnote, but all I learned about the nervous system was the fight-or-flight response, a survival instinct mentioned in my undergraduate psychology classes. Three decades later . . .
Continue reading...The Intersection of Attachment and the Regulated Nervous System (Part Two)
How does attachment style relate to long-term sexual recovery?
As we discussed, you can teach an old dog new tricks, but doing so takes determination and endurance. If you were not raised with a secure attachment, and most of us were not, it’s not too late . . .
The Road to Resilience (Part 2)
We all face adversity and we all build resilience. These practices, tools and strategies give you the opportunity for nervous system regulation, resilience and overall resourcefulness. As a result, you will feel more buoyant . . .
Continue reading...The Road to Resilience (Part 1)
I’ve always liked the word resilience. Maybe it’s how the word sounds or maybe it’s what it means to me, but it’s always held significance in my life. I believe that resilience can be a superpower that shows up after life’s challenges are thrown in your way—sometimes . . .
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