My very first twelve-step meeting was a combination of relief and terror. I knew I needed help, but my inner voice was telling me that I could do it on my own, just like I had always done. Instead, I listened intently as I sat in the well-worn chairs of this dusty Pasadena church, and soon I understood that I could learn to ask for help. In other words, it was time for me to seek consultation from my fellows in program and eventually a power greater than myself, whatever . . .
Continue reading...Twelve Steps
Compulsive Sexual Behavior: The New Sex Addiction
After many years of deliberation, the World Health Organization has recognized and included Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10). This is the first time in history that CSBD has been validated by a global gathering of clinicians. For many years sex addiction specialists have lobbied to include sex addiction as a formal diagnosis, but to no avail. The often-misunderstood term was coined by Patrick Carnes in the 1980s, but . . .
Continue reading...Beyond Sexual Compulsivity (Part 2)
Loss is a natural part of recovery. Because sexual compulsion is actually a misfired attempt to regulate the nervous system, it requires a conscious choice to say goodbye to these stale behaviors. This requires a willingness to say goodbye to this survival strategy and to trust that there is something better on the horizon.
At the same time, it’s helpful to identify and express gratitude. As a by-product of grieving, eventually you can acknowledge that you wouldn’t be who you are today if it wasn’t for everything that happened in your past. This is a significant . . .
Continue reading...Beyond Sexual Compulsivity (Part 1)
Recovery from compulsive sex can feel like a rollercoaster with unexpected twists and turns behind every corner. Fortunately, the ride can get much smoother and less tumultuous as time and healing unfolds.
Long-term recovery is quite different than early recovery. In the beginning, stopping out-of-control sexual behaviors is the main focus while long-term recovery makes room for sex-positive, expansive experiences. In early recovery you start to notice the damaging activities of the past while long-term recovery often reveals . . .
Continue reading...Sex Addiction vs. Compulsive Sex:
The Controversy Continues
A few years ago the World Health Organization recognized and included Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10). This is the first time in the history of this organization that CSBD has been validated by a global gathering of clinicians. For many years Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) have lobbied to include sex addiction as a formal diagnosis . . .
Continue reading...The Necessity of Pleasure (Part 2)
Pleasure is not only a concept—it’s an action. Here we will look at specific ways to safely explore pleasure as a strategy for long-term freedom and sexual . . .
Continue reading...Love Avoidance:
Regulating the Emotional Distance (Part 2)
Face it. We all long for love yet push it away at times. This is the human condition. So how can you learn about this part of you? . . .
Continue reading...Love Avoidance:
Regulating the Emotional Distance (Part 1)
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ― Rumi
All of us come into the world defenseless and vulnerable, and in the best of circumstances, we have a good enough parent, . . .
Continue reading...The Rhythm Within (Part 2)
When it comes to slowing down and listening more intently to the rhythm within, there is no one formula. It will take some trial and error to see what works best for you. Here are some possibilities you may consider: . . .
Continue reading...The Rhythm Within (Part 1)
Having grown up in the 70s in a turbulent family, I found creative ways to cope with the chaos of our home. First of all, I worked really hard to make good friends. As a matter of fact, I was adopted by at least four families before the age of 12. I also tried to be as busy as possible and do all of my homework and my chores. Except for stopping long enough to watch the innovative sitcoms of the 70s such as All in the Family, M.A.S.H. and the Mary Tyler Moore Show, I was always on the go. Doing, achieving and perfecting became my survival strategies to avoid the sadness, hurt and anger within me. If I did enough, achieved enough and perfected enough, somehow . . .
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