After many years of deliberation, the World Health Organization has recognized and included Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10). This is the first time in history that CSBD has been validated by a global gathering of clinicians. For many years sex addiction specialists have lobbied to include sex addiction as a formal diagnosis, but to no avail. The often-misunderstood term was coined by Patrick Carnes in the 1980s, but . . .
Continue reading...Sexual Addiction
Meaning, Purpose, and Legacy (Part 1)
Spirituality, as I’ve mentioned before, is “whatever gives your life meaning.” You have the freedom to find it through your own heart rather than as others define it. A spiritual experience can take many forms—the simple enjoyment of an afternoon with a beloved pet, or on a hike through nature. Meaning and purpose in recovery tend to coalesce around big-ticket items like forgiveness, getting in touch . . .
Continue reading...Problematic Porn Use and Moral Incongruence (Part 2)
Action Steps for Clients:
Find a licensed therapist or counselor who has training in “moral incongruence.” Although therapists can always learn from their clients, it’s best to work with someone who truly understands these intricate . . .
Continue reading...Problematic Porn Use and Moral Incongruence (Part 1)
Until recently, I wasn’t familiar with the term moral incongruence, but I’ve had clients through the years describe the effects of growing up in ultra-conservative families usually within strict religious communities that labeled pornography as sinful. As a liberal Jewish therapist, these stories always surprise me, but I continue to learn about the suffering associated with such complicated . . .
Continue reading...Avoidance as a Survival Strategy (Part 2)
Because we are most defended against our greatest needs, intimacy is an emotionally-precarious territory. Over time, you learned to build self-protective walls due to past hurts, disappointments, and intrusions, but in recovery you can safely break down your walls and learn to rely on others gradually. If you’re determined to heal old relationship wounds, being in a relationship is the best place to work . . .
Continue reading...Beyond Sexual Compulsivity (Part 2)
Loss is a natural part of recovery. Because sexual compulsion is actually a misfired attempt to regulate the nervous system, it requires a conscious choice to say goodbye to these stale behaviors. This requires a willingness to say goodbye to this survival strategy and to trust that there is something better on the horizon.
At the same time, it’s helpful to identify and express gratitude. As a by-product of grieving, eventually you can acknowledge that you wouldn’t be who you are today if it wasn’t for everything that happened in your past. This is a significant . . .
Continue reading...Beyond Sexual Compulsivity (Part 1)
Recovery from compulsive sex can feel like a rollercoaster with unexpected twists and turns behind every corner. Fortunately, the ride can get much smoother and less tumultuous as time and healing unfolds.
Long-term recovery is quite different than early recovery. In the beginning, stopping out-of-control sexual behaviors is the main focus while long-term recovery makes room for sex-positive, expansive experiences. In early recovery you start to notice the damaging activities of the past while long-term recovery often reveals . . .
Continue reading...Sex Addiction vs. Compulsive Sex:
The Controversy Continues
A few years ago the World Health Organization recognized and included Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10). This is the first time in the history of this organization that CSBD has been validated by a global gathering of clinicians. For many years Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) have lobbied to include sex addiction as a formal diagnosis . . .
Continue reading...Sexual Health in the Age of Sex Addiction (Part 2)
In Part One we learned about a teenager named Charlie whose relationship with porn became his secret life. Now let’s take a look at a few action steps that Charlie might consider to develop a more satisfying and pleasurable sex life.
Continue reading...Sexual Health in the Age of Sex Addiction (Part 1)
Charlie was the oldest of three children raised in a middle-class suburb of Boston by well-meaning, hard-working parents. Because his family lived paycheck to paycheck, Charlie was often left on his own after school before his parents arrived home by 6. He was . . .
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