In the 1980s, the concept of safer sex was developed in response to the AIDS crisis. It may be true that the only safe sex is abstinence; all forms of sex carry some degree of risk. But abstaining from sex is neither realistic nor desirable. Back in that time of uncertainty and fear, society endorsed cautious sexual choices. Today, nearly forty years later, the dilemma . . .
Continue reading...Andrew Susskind
Breaking Down the Walls (Part 2)
This is one of my favorite charts because it captures two possible directions: 1. Leaning into love and intimacy or 2. Repeating past painful patterns that were established in childhood. Here are some of the differences between authentic intimacy and . . .
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- April 22, 2022
- Emotions Giving Intimacy Pets Relationships
Breaking Down the Walls (Part 1)
All of this—the compulsive sex, the emotional longing, the relationship struggles—is about the same thing: love. That feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. Intimacy and love are clearly different from the intense, adrenaline-seeking behaviors and relationships you engaged in before, and so your greatest challenge . . .
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- April 8, 2022
- Compulsive Sex Emotions Giving Relationships
Building Better Boundaries (Part 2)
In Part 1 we were building awareness and insight regarding better boundaries. Sometimes, boundaries can go too far and become rigid and isolating. Here are a few typical walls that you might use to protect yourself: Black-and-white thinking. This self-protective, rigid way of viewing yourself and others results in profound loneliness and unexpressed anger. Therefore, it acts . . .
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- March 25, 2022
- Action Steps Boundaries Catastrophizing Healing Intellectualization
Building Better Boundaries (Part 1)
Anger is a misunderstood part of setting boundaries that often gets overlooked. Expressing anger safely and productively is a life energy that brings you closer to others when shared directly, honestly and clearly. If two people are open to the possibility of this type of dynamic communication, it’s an intimacy-builder. Anger doesn’t imply a high-decibel level, but instead . . .
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- March 11, 2022
- Anger Boundaries Disappointment
It’s Not The Mistakes That Count (Part 2)
In my therapy office, clients reveal setbacks all the time, and together
we process these so-called mistakes. So what do you do if you’ve been
in recovery for a while and then go off your plan? The tendency may be
to isolate and keep it a secret, but this will only perpetuate the shame
that goes along with the slip-up. Instead, contact someone you trust as
soon as possible—preferably someone in recovery. They will offer their
version . . .
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- February 25, 2022
- Healing Recovery Relapse Self-Compassion Spirituality
It’s Not The Mistakes That Count (Part 1)
After a slip or relapse, stay out of self-judgment to prevent yourself from
falling into a shame spiral. Process it with a trusted confidant as soon as
possible. Your setback happened for a reason. Were you trying to unwind
some internal pressure? Express pent-up anger? Soothe yourself? Ask
yourself . . .
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- February 11, 2022
- Relapse Self-Compassion Spirituality
Meaning, Purpose, and Legacy (Part 2)
In my book It’s Not About the Sex, Chapter Eleven was originally developed during my coach training when I began pondering the bigger existential questions of purpose, meaning, and legacy . . .
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- January 28, 2022
- Dating Families Legacy Spirituality
Meaning, Purpose, and Legacy (Part 1)
Spirituality, as I’ve mentioned before, is “whatever gives your life meaning.” You have the freedom to find it through your own heart rather than as others define it. A spiritual experience can take many forms—the simple enjoyment of an afternoon with a beloved pet, or on a hike through nature. Meaning and purpose in recovery tend to coalesce around big-ticket items like forgiveness, getting in touch . . .
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- January 14, 2022
- Families Religion Sexual Addiction Spirituality
All The Lonely People (Part 2)
In Part One we established that loneliness is not only a universal feeling, but it’s also a trigger for possible recurrence of compulsive sexual behavior and romantic fantasy. Let’s consider some safe, productive ways to work with loneliness . . .
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- December 24, 2021
- Compulsive Sex Families Group Therapy Loneliness Love Addiction