Getting sober is the first hurdle to cross in addiction recovery, but it’s far from the final one. Recovery is full of obstacles and barriers that want to drag you back to a life of addiction. That’s why most people relapse at some point during their recovery journey . . .
Continue reading...
The Rhythm Within (Part 1)
Having grown up in the 70s in a turbulent family, I found creative ways to cope with the chaos of our home. First of all, I worked really hard to make good friends. As a matter of fact, I was adopted by at least four families before the age of 12. I also tried to be as busy as possible and do all of my homework and my chores. Except for stopping long enough to watch the innovative sitcoms of the 70s such as All in the Family, M.A.S.H. and the Mary Tyler Moore Show, I was always on the go. Doing, achieving and perfecting became my survival strategies to avoid the sadness, hurt and anger within me. If I did enough, achieved enough and perfected enough, somehow . . .
Continue reading...-
- April 10, 2020
- Emotions Families Sexual Sobriety Survival Twelve Steps
The Other Side of Narcissism (Part 2)
Distinguish between healthier narcissism and malignant narcissism. Healthier narcissism will generally show up when you’re feeling more emotionally sober, confident and connected to others. Malignant forms of narcissism show up as chronic relationship problems, blaming others and lack of empathy or attunement. Because we all possess . . .
Continue reading...-
- March 27, 2020
- Abuse Emotions Narcissism Psychology Relationships
The Other Side of Narcissism (Part 1)
Narcissism is generally seen as a negative trait, but in this article we will explore the positive side of it. When babies are born, they imagine that the world revolves around them, and if they have an immediate need (e.g. food, touch, change of diaper), they believe that someone will take care of their needs quickly. Unfortunately, the fantasy that your parent (or caregiver) will respond to you in just the right way, at just the right time, at just the right temperature, sets you up . . .
Continue reading...-
- March 13, 2020
- Abuse Emotions Narcissism Psychology Relationships
Turning Down the Volume on Shame:
An Action Plan (Part 2)
Welcome back to our exploration of shame. Now that we’ve started to identify and name it, how do you build shame resiliency? Action Step #1: Distinguish between healthier shame and toxic shame. Remember that healthier shame lets you know if you’ve crossed boundaries or done something that is not in your integrity.
Continue reading...-
- February 25, 2020
- Emotional Sobriety Emotions Group Therapy Shame
Turning Down the Volume on Shame:
An Action Plan (Part 1)
Shame is epidemic, but that’s not always a bad thing. Shame is one of your primary emotions and part of the human condition, but it can be paralyzing and profoundly isolating if not explored and processed. It often shows up in the self-attacking language you sometimes use against yourself such as . . .
Continue reading...-
- February 11, 2020
- Emotional Sobriety Emotions Group Therapy Shame
Emotional Sobriety: An Action Plan (Part 2)
Although Emotional Sobriety can be defined in many different ways, each of you can choose what it really means to you. Because it’s a subjective experience, one person may describe it very differently from the next.
Continue reading...-
- January 22, 2020
- Emotional Sobriety Harm Reduction Sexual Sobriety Trauma
Emotional Sobriety: An Action Plan (Part 1)
This year I’ve decided to infuse my blog posts with more user-friendly tools, strategies and action steps. This month I’ll be revisiting the theme of Emotional Sobriety and introducing specific ways you can create a practice around it. Emotional Sobriety can only take shape once you are sexually sober. But let’s open the aperture even further. Most people who are healing . . .
Continue reading...-
- January 8, 2020
- Emotional Sobriety Harm Reduction Sexual Sobriety Trauma
Gratitude: A Daily Practice
Last weekend I traveled to Boise, Idaho to attend my little cousin’s college graduation. In all honesty, my little cousin is now 6’5”, but he will always be my “little cousin” because I met him at the hospital when he was born, and he was quite little at the time! Although he now towers over me, he’s a gentle giant with a heart of gold. And to celebrate alongside of him brings me so much pride and gratitude.
Continue reading...-
- December 26, 2019
- Gratitude
Grief as an Ally: Part 2
Because addictive, compulsive behaviors sometimes act as social lubricants (supposedly making it easier to be around others), you may find yourself feeling awkward without the drink in your hand or the porn apps ready to go. Hopefully, you have already been practicing social connection and fellowship before the holidays. Your addiction was a often a way to feel less and to regulate the distance . . .
Continue reading...